THE ART OF BEING A LADY | Embrace Your Sexy

What does “embracing your sexy” mean to you?  We all know there are a million resources on how to look sexy and act sexy or dress sexy but do these tips actually help women embrace and develop something that we are already born with, or do they send the message that the right combination of very superficial and highly temporary things are what make up the true essence of sexy?

Nikia Phoenix in SHE


I was cruising through one of my favorite blogs called Model Liberation, when I ran across a video that I felt truly represented a woman embracing her sexy.  Nikia Phoenix, one bad azz freckled-faced model, teamed up with and writer & director Angel Jordan to give us all a glimpse into “SHE” a celebration of femininity, love, and the beauty of authentic womanhood.


This video inspired so many thoughts and feelings and made me evaluate what being a woman in touch with her “sexy” is really all about.  Through reflection I learned that wanting to embrace this aspect of yourself is deep, and permanent, and beautiful.  Learning to do more then “appear” sexy takes subtle confidence and maybe even a little black lingerie. To embrace your sexy you must:

Do what awakens your senses…Involve yourself in [healthy] activities that make you feel alive and make the world a more whimsical place.  Besides being a makeup addict, I enjoy dancing and reading immensely.  Breaking a sweat to my iPod playlists or curling up with a big book and french vanilla black tea makes me feel more in tune with myself.

Take your time…Have you ever seen a fast moving sensual woman?  Yeah…me either.  While getting ready in the morning, while enjoying your evening bath, or while taking a walk; slow down enough to absorb  your surroundings and indulge your senses.

Be private with your sex life…In “The Art of Being a Lady: Be a Little Mysterious,”  I gave you all details on why it is so important to maintain a private life.  In the era of sensationalizing full disclosure, there is something sexy and confident about a woman that knows how to maintain some secrets, especially when it comes to her bedroom antics.  What you do at home with your partner is between you and him/her.  Leave Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Vine, your group text message, and Snapchat out of it.

Make direct eye contact…Did you all notice all of the fiery eye contact Nikia was throwing around in “SHE?”  That is the mark of a woman in charge of her sexy.  It was intense and intentional and should be mastered.

Be authentic…I’m not telling you all to burn your bras and chunk your lipgloss into the trash.  No, I’m telling you to be your truest self in your actions, in your words and in your emotions.  If you’ve hurt someone then apologize, if you have a difference of opinion with another then respect the diversity.  Be assertively kind, and Instead of trying to always be right, try doing the right thing.

Kill your inner critic…I try hard not to be cliche, but all of the red lipstick and Agent Provocateur lingerie will not cover up an ugly inside.  It is absolutely impossible to authentically be a sexy, feminine woman when your inner dialog makes your feel like crap.  Kill the negativity and tell the self-doubt kick rocks!

What do you do to embrace your sexy?  Leave a comment and lets discuss.

  • Riechelle McAllister

    I absolutely LOVE this post! It is all true. Social media has its advantages but once you take a break away, this is what you come up with. Thank you!